Evil and How I Knew HIm


It was a cold, damp night. The moon was full and there were no stars in the sky. It was a perfect night for evil to slither out of the woods and ruin someone’s life. It did, its orders were to change my life forever. My name is Max. I am going to tell you a story about evil and how I knew him. His name is Sam.

 

Sam was a very happy person, so carefree and funny. Nothing ever got him down. Now, the reason I know so much about this unlikable creature, is that he used to be my best friend. Therefore, if you think that I might be a little bitter toward this heathen, just keep reading, you will grow to hate him too.

 

Now, Sam and I have been friends for about 27 years. I have helped him do impossible tasks, like getting married. He ruined that good thing and they are now divorced. I have managed his finances. Helped raise his kids, found him jobs, and helped get his bratty kids into that good prep school. Anyway, you get the point. I was his right hand man. I loved him. Shoot, he was my best friend. Everyone has one, that friend that makes your life seem so much easier. You know the one. That’s why there around, so you don’t take a gun and shoot yourself.

 

My wife just got home from a cooking class that she takes. The one I told her not to take, because she didn‘t need to. However, I knew that if I had to eat another bite of her “cooking,” I would find a new mate. Sam and I were on the sofa watching the football game. Sam hated football. I never understood that. That is when my wife came in the room.

“Hey babe, I’m going to make this dish I learned to make in my cooking class.” I insistently rolled my eyes; I told her what I would do if I had to eat one more bite. Trust me, I was ready. Well, just then, Sam suddenly jumped up off his huge rump and said “When will you do it?”

“Do what?”  I thought.  “What was this overbearing jerk ranting about now?” Then it hit me. “What are you talking about Sam?” I asked him with great fear. I knew exactly what he was going to say. He is a huge jackass for bringing it up. Of course, I wasn’t going to leave my wife, just because she made a few bad meals. I was mostly just a shit talker. I had told everyone of my plan to leave. However, I knew just as well as everyone else, that I would never leave her. She has other talents. Besides, that’s why we always order take-out. Nevertheless, Sam must have thought I meant it because just as he opened his foul, ignorant mouth and those words came pouring out, the chaos began.

 

“What Max,” my wife asked in a mean tone, “what was you going to do?”

I stood staring at her. I didn’t know what to do.

 

“This figures,” she scowled “I knew you were going to leave me.”

“What!” I screamed in disbelief. “You actually believe those scoundrels that spread those awful rumors.”

“Shut up Max. Just shut the hell up.”

“No!” I stated. “I can’t fucking believe this!”

“Don’t cuss!” She yelled at me in that hateful ‘I’m going to kill you someday’ tone. I absolutely hated that. In addition, when did she suddenly think it was cool to start bossing me around? Wait, this is all Sam’s fault. Why am I yelling at her? I should be kicking his ass!

 

So, I did it. I turned and faced Sam, looked at him in his heartless eyes and punched him. Blood was everywhere and my hand was so sore.

“Oh my god! What the hell did you just do?” the ball and chain yelled while pushing me to the ground. This woman was crazy. Does she really want to push me right now? I am an animal and at this very second I could attack, again.

“Jesus, you asshole what are you doing?” Sam cringed with some tears in his eyes. For a couple of seconds, I actually felt somewhat bad for him. Of course, that feeling didn’t last very long. Piece of shit.

“Look at my nose. You broke it! You fucking broke it!”

“So what I thought,” no screw that. “So what!” I screamed. “You are a troll. You are causing my wife and me to hate each other!”

“Oh, he didn’t do any such thing.” she stated, “I have already hated you for some time now. This just pushed me over the edge.”

Was she for real? How long was this going on? I have never felt that way. Well okay a few times. However, it’s like I said, I’m a shit talker. I never really hated her. But she is serious.

“Goodbye Max!” she screamed. “I was looking for a reason to leave you and this is just as good as any.”

Oh my god, she is leaving! I could not believe it was happening to me. I couldn’t take it. So, I turned around and punched him, again. Asshole.

“Quit it Max! What the fuck is wrong with you? Their I go cursing again. You know how I hate cursing. You are such a bastard. Beating the crap out of your friend just because he was being honest. At least, someone is being honest around here. Not you Max. Nope, you are a lying piece of crap. I wish we never met. Goodbye! Come Sam, I’ll drive you to the hospital.”

 

In a matter of one hour, twenty- seven years of faithfulness is flushed right down the toilet. I have not seen or heard from my wife in years. However, I know what she is doing though. Do you want to take a guess? Go ahead. I bet you get it. Yeah, you guessed it. She is over at his house right now, hugging and kissing on him. Now you know why I hate that maggot so much. He ruined my marriage, which was apparently in the trash anyway, and then he stole my woman. On the other hand, it could also be that it was somehow my fault and through years of thoughtless chatter, I put it in the trash myself. It was something that was bound to blow up in my face. No, I like the first excuse better. Sam, I truly hate you.

 

I bet you are thinking right now- hmmm. Was this all a conspiracy against you all along? Maybe they had planned it. First, Sam used you for all your connections and then he remained your friend until he could have your wife. Instead of your wife being against it, she was for it. It was the perfect excuse to leave. She would just tell everyone that she was afraid to be in your presence. You might get angry and start beating up on her, just as you did Sam.

 

 

I thought the same thing. I’m sure that it’s true. What am I to do? Go back over to his house and beat him up again. Do you remember how long ago that was? I would hate to break up the humble dwelling. Of course, at the same time I would like to burn them and their home to the ground.

 

In the end, I have to reflect on the past. I have known evil. I have tasted its heartbreak. However, was evil Sam or is evil me? Was this just some horrible coincidence? I do know this, evil oozed into my life and it took my wife and best friend in one swoop. Now, they are together. I can be certain that evil will not be with them any time soon.

 

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Posted on December 24, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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