What Shall I Teach Today?


Hello Peeps

Many of you know that I love to write. Some things are dark and demented. Some are…. well, it is mostly all dark and demented. However, there was a time when I didn’t write such things. See… you learned something new. Another thing you will learn today is how I first came across writing as another outlet that helped me not cause harm to others. (evil laugh goes here)… I was in therapy, I know you are shocked, when my therapist asked what I wanted to do with my life. At that point in time, my feet were not as grounded, and I proclaimed how I longed to be a famous writer. She told me to go for it. So I did. I then found a writing community, Writing.Com

I could write, review, and be reviewed. I gained so much confidence. I think I have been a member for over 5 years. So I have decided that every Thursday I will post writings of the past. I do not visit the writing site anymore so this will be a great transfer. I hope you enjoy my writing as much as I have liked growing into it. If you are sad that not all my work is dark and demented, well… get over it.

 

Here it is – piece 1. Enjoy.

(if most people looked in the archives of this blog, they would find some of these pieces lurking in dark corners, but I am lazy too)

 

Assumptions

{I once had listed this item
and it had some reviews. I unfortunately had deleted them. To those who
have previously reviewed and rated, I have added more to my thoughts.
Thank you for giving me your ratings. Sorry I deleted them. It was by
accident.

MY DISCLAIMER

I used to work with men and men only. I am not a
fan of most men. But, the job I do pays better than most. I work at a
auto parts store. The looks I get when I ask what I can help them with. I
have been asked if they could talk to a guy instead. So, I let them. 10
minutes later I hear “Cindi, can you help me?” Stupid boys. Of course,
that is not the only reason I don’t like most men. Unfortunately, I
don’t have the time to let it all out. So, to deal with my hatred, I am
writing about what bothers me most. If you are on the same wagon, then
you should enjoy. If you don’t agree, then you will probably not like
this item. This is my only item where I rant. If you are human, then you
will rant. Here is mine. Me on my ‘soap box’. Enjoy.

This story is for any woman who has ever met a man who assumed he could
have his way. As far as I am concerned, this is for any woman breathing.

It is very hard to write about all the assumptions men make. I really
want to narrow it down. So I thought about the most common. First, is
sex. Second, is what we were put on this earth to do. Third, is assuming
that we are helpless creatures. If I think of any more, I will write
another piece.

My version of a man who assumes he can have his way.

Bob is the kind of person who thinks he is God’s gift to women. You
know the type. He walks up to you in broad daylight, while you are busy
doing something. It could be anything. Walking your dog, eating lunch,
shopping, getting gas, who cares. Well guess what, he doesn‘t care
either. Bob’s attire consists of baggy clothes, tilted hat and a very
gaudy, fake, gold chain. He has some peach fuzz on his face. Don’t tell
him that, he believes it is full-grown goatee. He probably can’t walk
very well because his pants are hanging just above his kneecap. If you
are not careful, you will get a glimpse of the spider-man boxers his
mommy gave him for Christmas. Also, try not to fall victim to his pimped
out 96′ Ford Taurus, with the large speakers in the back. He will have
them so loud, that you might be surprised that his ears are not
bleeding. Beware also of his custom spray paint job. Notice I did say spray paint. Therefore, this is Bob. I wanted to give you a clear picture of Bob. Let you know what you are up against.

So, there you are doing whatever and here he comes. Remember, he
cannot walk. Be aware of your surroundings and quickly move anything he
cold trip on out-of-the-way. You do not want him landing on you.

So, say you are eating. Of course, there are always two chairs at a
table. Bob assumes that since you are alone, that chair is for him. So,
he sits and as you almost choke on your sandwich, he says “What’s up
baby.” as he nods his head upward. He thinks he’s a gangster. Depending
on who you are and your attitude towards men you either attempt one of
the following.

A- Push the chair out from under him and ask him what the fuck he thinks he is doing.

B- Tell Bob politely that if he does not remove himself from the chair, that your 44 magnum will.

C- Listen to him while he talks, this could be funny.

For conversation purpose, lets choose C.

“I said what’s up baby. You need a glass of water or something. I think you’re choking a little.”

After a few coughs and drying of your watery eyes, you say, “No thanks, I’m all right.”

“You sure, I could get you some water, it’s free.”

Bob is the type of guy who won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. He will
eventually, but only after you yell at him. He has selective hearing.

“No thanks, I’ll be all right.”

You say that while staring at him with very cold eyes, and a hateful
smirk. He will get the hint. Do not get confused though, he still
assumes you want him, just not the water. We have to take things one at a
time for Bob because he has a simple mind. So, you say to him, “What do
you want?.”

“Well, I saw you sitting here and I thought ‘what is such a pretty
thing doing eating all alone’?” “That’s not right.” “Someone like you
should have a man beside her.”

“Really.”

“Why do you assume that I don’t have a man? Or that I even need a man.
Maybe I am on a lunch break. Maybe my man is meeting up with me.”

“If I were your man, I would never leave your side. You’re way to fine.”

Right now, you should assume that Bob has some trust issues and maybe
some stalker tendencies. Don’t ever think that this assumption is wrong.

“Plus babe, I would never let you work. You’re too fine for that too.”

Here is where a red flag should always come up. Bob doesn’t look like a
doctor, lawyer, engineer, or anybody in the hundred thousand a year and
above range. Remember when he asked you if you wanted free water.
Bob is broke.  Bob is a ten grand a year or less guy. If he is pulling a
hundred a year, he probably sells drugs, or stolen items. You don’t
want that type of guy anyway. Not that you are looking, but please stray
away from the prison hopefuls of tomorrow.

“What if I want a job? Are you going to keep me inside forever?”

“No way babe. You don’t have to stay inside forever. I got to take you
out and show you off. You’re super fine. Also, fine girls don’t have
jobs. You know what I mean?”

Here Bob assumes that only women that don’t appeal to him can work. He
also assumes that you are some kind of trophy. Let us also not forget
that Bob keeps calling you babe. He doesn’t even have the decency to ask
you your name. He apparently thinks it is okay that you don’t mind
being called whatever Bob deems necessary.

Knowing Bob is a worthless bum, with some severe trust and abandonment
issues, you decide to end the conversation. Which we should assume has
gone on for too long. So, speaking as slowly and clearly as possible,
you say,

“Listen, I’m sure you mean well by keeping me locked up. Fortunately, I like to roam free. You know what I mean?”

Bob is now confused. Don’t worry though he is used to being told no.

“I’m going to have to pass. See you later.”

As you say this, look at Bob firmly and do not move. It is like starring
down an animal for food. He will eventually know how serious you are
and walk away. Do not assume Bob will leave quietly. His self-esteem is
very fragile. He will need to redeem it by calling you something
derogatory. Watch out for words like bitch, whore, and slut. You get the
picture. Do not let this get to you. Remember, Bob has to drive his
beat up 96’ Ford, with his awesome spray paint job, back home to his
mommy’s house. She probably has dinner ready.

Thanks for reading my
angry page on men. I am married, and my husband is a good guy. I have
dealt with men in many lines of work and almost all of them form a very
biased opinion from the minute they make eye contact. It makes me sick.
If I’m not making their dinner and kissing their feet, they get confused
and start looking for the next woman to talk too. I have to tell this
story. It happened today actually (02-14-08) I was standing near the
parts counter at Auto Zone and an older man walks in. My co-worker (a
guy) is standing at a parts counter in front of me, helping a customer. I
say hi and ask if I could help him. He looks at me and walks over to my
co-worker, interrupts

him in their conversation and starts to ask questions. I interrupt and
say I can help you. I look at him firmly and he soon strayed away from
his instincts and follows my voice into a realm where women think for
themselves. I’m sure it was a scary experience for him.

He knew I was talking to him when he walked in the door. He looked at
me, looked at my co-worker, looked at me again, and proceeded to
interrupt another customer. That customer was mad. He looked at the man
and said “Dude she asked if she could help you. We’re kinda busy.” I
just smiled and thought ‘It’s okay come into the light’. Eventually he
wanted me to change his battery in his 76′ corvette with leather seats.
If your confused, the battery sits behind the driver’s seat. If that old
battery had any type of acid coming out of it and I just happened to get
it on the leather, I would not want to be liable. I told him that and
he said, “Well I didn’t think about that. I would be pretty pissed about
that.” Personally if I had a car that was old and is considered a
classic, I wouldn’t want just anybody working on it. The point is, the
same answer would have come out of a man’s mouth. I guess it just sounds
better when a person with the same genitalia says it. I guess it just
makes more sense. I’ll remember that when you ask me to change your
wiper blades and change your battery.     }

 

© Copyright 2007 cindiloohoo (UN: cindip at Writing.Com).
All rights reserved.

cindiloohoo has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.

The End

Shock-ed
Shock-ed (Photo credit: CarbonNYC)

 

 

Advertisements

Let it out... we are all listening.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s