My Breaking, Healing Soul
I wrote something today that perhaps can be related to anything. Mine is related to a certain something, but I won’t tell. If you know me, you will know what I am referring to. If you do not, I hope your imagination soars.
I hope you are enjoying your Tuesday.
I made a decision and it was quick. Even though I knew before hand what would happen, I did it anyway. It was impulsive. They say people with mood disorders do such things. My limbic was being soothed so much, at the time, that I didn’t care. It was his face that did it. Those sweet kisses. The look of undying love. How could I say no? How could I deny my feelings? Then it happened. The consequences. Money, time, sleep, sanity, anxiety. What have I done? Was this some sick remorse? Some sort of unknowing guilt? I thought this was what I wanted. The reasons I said yes seemed so clear. Uncertainty filled my heart everyday. The thought of all my actions were questioned into own mind. A critic was imbedded deep inside and it won’t shut up! I needed a break. A short one. Maybe half a day. To clear my head. Maybe it would all come into focus. Perhaps my decision would start to make sense. I look at him and see what I saw the first day. Love. His undying love. He ponders at me with eyes that melt my soul. He follows me with huge intentions. He lays next to me and buries his head like I’m the only one. It’s this joy I see that keeps my hopes high, even though my spirit is breaking. The eyes melt my heart and let me know it’s all going to be okay. It’s all going to work. I hold him tightly and send all the love I can, although I am tired, weak, and the anxiety builds, for a brief moment, during that hug, during that look, it all seems to fade away.