Everyday I learn a little something more about my self than the day before. Lately, I am learning more than I would like. I am learning things that I would rather not deal with. I am learning about the real me, and I don’t find it flattering.
Finding ways to deal with these findings are even more challenging. I seem to always need a plan, a way to fight through any struggles. This isn’t always possible. In fact, it isn’t possible at all. I can’t have a plan to deal with my faults. There isn’t one. There never was. The only way I can fight through and find myself is to deal – to cope. I can become a better person, but there isn’t an instruction manual. This is what I fight with. I need answers, a checklist, and when it comes to life, there isn’t one. So I have to find ways to deal with my faults. I have to find ways to cope and make my self a better person. This is done through trials. It is done through mistakes. I can find my self by working through my faults.
My problem with knowing what to do, is giving my self time to accomplish the nearly impossible. I want change yesterday. I want to be stronger last week. I wanted to know what to do last year. It is difficult to face this reality. I can’t have control over these things. I do know, however, that I may be able to change my self for the better, and that gives me an ounce of hope. I know I don’t have to be codependent with people. I know I can mange my life, my money, and my time more effectively. I know I can deal with life’s constant road blocks in ways that don’t harm me or others. I know that given time, I can be the person I was meant to be. My struggle is answering the burning question – How?
I suppose if I knew that answer, I would be the guru of knowledge and I would be bombarded by people seeking to take it. I am not that person. I do know the universe and all of its wonder will lead me to where I need to be and give me the answers when I am ready – never sooner, never later. That, perhaps is the greatest life lesson of all –
Have patience. Always seek knowledge to grow. Be exactly who you are, when you are.