My co-dependent nature is getting on my nerves. I feel I will always seek the approval of others. I will always need someone to be with me. I will always go out of my way, even if it crosses personal boundaries to make others happy. When will I learn? When will I learn I am good enough? When will I learn I do not need the approval of others to make myself feel wanted? When?
I took my first writing job. I am beyond exstatic. I was instantly thrilled. Someone liked my work enough to pay me. Awesome, right? Sure. It’s awesome for someone who isn’t a co-dependent hound. I instantly sought help (thank you, friends). I instantly assured myself my writing was crap. I instantly assured myself I was going to fail. My husband asked why and told me I would do awesome – “you always do”. It helped, that reassuring thought, for a moment. But I went to being stressed, overthinking, and asking for compliments. Anxiety had set in, I was yelling for no reason, and being a bitch.
When will I learn I am good enough? I have ample support. You guys follow me and read my work consistently, so I must be doing something right. If I wasn’t, this blog would have flopped. My friends would have nicely told me I sucked, and my work would never speak for itself.
One day I will learn. I won’t seek approval. The approval will be in the way others ask me to keep going.
Thank you for reading and continuing to unknowingly acknowledge my work – good or bad, I am always improving and always changing for the better.