It’s Time

I paused yesterday during my internal struggle for peace and realized I have been neglectful. 

I have been neglecting myself. I preach what should be done and when it comes to it, I fall short. 

It’s what happens, I suppose. We are supposed to learn, fail, and grow. 

I wonder when I’ll succeed. When I’ll stop falling short. But these questions I’m never suppose to know. That’s the complexity of life. We live, try our best, and share our wisdom. 

It’s a turbulent journey. 

When life becomes too much to bear, I have to pause and think about being grateful. It doesn’t come easy. I’ve come to realize, it never will. 

In the tradition of using Friday to think about what I’m grateful for, I’ll give you a list. 

It’s small, but it’s truth is real. 

  • In times where I feel alone, a friend shines through and reminds me they’ve always been there. For this, I am grateful for my friends. I have a handful that really know me, and I love them all. 
  • I am grateful for my parents. They do all they can for me, and I never say thank you enough. 
  • I am grateful I have a job. I often loathe it, but it’s still there as long as they find me worthy. 
  • My niece. She’s amazing, smart, funny, and when you’re sad she knows exactly what to do. She’s a true gift. 

Take some time to pause and be grateful. It can be difficult, but it gives new perspective and sometimes that’s all we need to silence the mind. 

He’s pausing, but it’s possible he’s thinking about cookies. 

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2016

For some of us, 2016 was one of the worst years to date. It stole some very famous, loved people, it left some of us jobless, homeless, sick, and without anymore people to love. It was a rough stretch of road.

For myself, 2016 seemed to be a beginning of hope; everything was falling into place. I had a great new job prospect, I was going to sign on a house, and a relationship that was sure to become doomed seem to be mending itself. I was certain 2016 was going to be my best year yet.  

Before the beginning of February, it slowly started to fall apart. The new job fizzled away, the house fell through, and the relationship faded. By the middle of the year, I was thinking of ways to get out of my situation. It was going in circles and I needed to jump from the ferris wheel before it sent me off a cliff.  

I ended up deciding I needed to move back home. I needed to leave the sunshine, leave some very valuable friends, leave a decent job, and leave my marriage. By the end of August, I upheaved myself and my dog back to Missouri. I moved back into my parents at 36. That was rough. It took a lot of adjusting. I did not have a job and my bills piled.  

I often give up pretty quickly, but I knew I couldn’t. 2016 wasn’t going to get me. I sent out resumes, went to many interviews, and even landed a great job with help from a friend. The job wasn’t for me. So I went out to find another. I couldn’t give up.  

While I struggled to deal with reality, it started to hit me – my unsettled emotions. I never dealt with what I left behind. I started to break.  

For me, I always try to keep a good support system. I had to cling to it. My life would depend on it.  

I am better. 2016 tried to get me and I didn’t let it. I fought to stay a float.  

Living with my parents was one of the best decisions I have ever made. They have and continue to help me everyday. There are some things they do that I am not sure I will ever be able to pay back. Everyday I am grateful.  

2016 has taught me many lessons.

1. Not everyone is your friend.

2. Trusting others is a tricky delicacy.

3. Some friends will never be replaced or will ever want to be replaced.

4. Those with less, give more.

5. We are not meant to have everything, just everything we need.

6. The word grateful means more to me than years past.

7. Friends and family are my greatest assets.

8. There is more beauty in this world that was lost to me in the past.

9. Time is not to be squandered.

10. Love with all your heart because that’s all you have.
Even though 2016 was very difficult, I had to stop and see the good. This year has taught me to stop and realize just this. Look around you, find the joy, and embrace it. If you don’t, 2017 will be just as difficult as the years before.  

Life will try you. It will test your strength. Life will try to break you and never ask if you’re okay. You have to look out for yourself, and you have to make sure to cherish the ones that love you.  

Don’t make 2017 great. Instead, fill the year with memories, joy, laughter, tears, love, friends, and doing the things you love. For if you continue to keep doing these things, 2017 won’t be great because you tried to force it, it will be great because you lived exactly how you wanted.  

Thank you for continuing to read and follow my blog. I hope you found the good inside 2016 and I hope you find even more to be grateful for in 2017.  

Happy New Year.  

We Must Love Change

I was in an interview the other day, and I was asked about change. She asked if I thought change was beneficial and if I adapted well.

I nearly laughed. (I’m an awkward person with a knack to make any situation weird)

Instead I held in my sarcastic humor and decided, thankfully, to be serious.

We need change. Without it we will never grow. We will never truly know who we are. If life did not adjust without consulting us first, how would we ever know how to adapt. Change is a necessary tool for our survival.

Adapting to change is difficult. It brings a certain amount of stress though we have no actual idea of the exact amount it will bring. We try and prepare ourselves for the worst and our efforts are never good enough. We then, have to adapt even more, and for some it is beyond what they can handle.

Many times I’ve sat in a pile of my own tears wondering if life was worth the suffering because change wasn’t willing to bend.

These moments test us and we either grow or we fall.

In these moments, or perhaps after the tears and screams, we have to assess. We have to process. We have to take a moment and find out why.

For me, especially lately, I have to look around me and find an ounce of gratitude.

Last Friday or it may have been the Friday before, I posted a list of things for which I was grateful. It seemed to do well, and in the spirit of today’s celebration of 300 followers, I bring you my gratitude list of today.

  1. The will and need to write.
  2. Parents who love and support me.
  3. Access to the internet so that I may entertain you.
  4. A dog. He’s the reason I’m here.
  5. Friends. I have some really great friends.
  6. Finding a job.
  7. A new adventure.
  8. Stove Top Stuffing (I know, but I seriously love it)
  9. Paid bills
  10. Change.

Being grateful can be a challenge. Change is difficult. Being strong isn’t easy. But you weren’t put on this earth to ride the kiddy train, were you?
Happy Friday. May change make you grateful.
Here’s a picture of my dog. He makes me happy.

 

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He finally gave in.