Server Life

I had a rough week, last week. I feel a need to rant. I haven’t had one of these in a while. I’m past due. I cuss. I’m labeled NeverALossForWords because I always have something to say and more often than not, it isn’t pleasant. You have been warned.

I am a server. Sometimes, my customers suck. They treat you like a low rate citizen. They often believe you weren’t cut out for anything above a high school diploma, and they treat you as such, especially if you’re a female. They treat you as if you will never understand what they are saying even after they repeat it 20 times with their condescending attitude.

They don’t look at you. They talk to you in short sentences and they are furious when what they ordered comes out not how they ordered it (even though, that’s how they ordered it).

My server job is a little different. At my job, we sing. We were hired because we sing. We were not hired because of our extra special serving skills. That is acquired later. It is acquired because we were thrown to the wolves and it’s sink or swim, baby. Because of this, we are good. We’ve had to fight to be the best.

It’s busy. It isn’t always busy, but when it is, we are selling more than 1500$ worth of food. 7 servers from 2-9pm. You do the math. That isn’t counting the 7 servers who worked prior – 11 am – 2 pm, who also sold almost 1,000$ in food.

We have 6 tables a piece and sometimes more. We sing. We laugh. We make sure your order is everything you want it to be and more.

We have fun and we would appreciate it if you would have fun too. Perhaps you could clap. I mean I did just refill your drink and drop off your food while I was singing.

Would it be too much to ask for you to put your hands together and show some appreciation?

I make pennies. Pennies. I barely scrape 4$ an hour. My last table tipped me 2$ on a 40$ ticket.

But here I am, singing, laughing, and trying to get you to smile. And here you are, being a dick.

Go be a dick at Denny’s. Perhaps Olive Garden will serve your salty ass?

But if you come into where I work and you can’t manage a smile or a clap of your hands, then step your grumpy ass out of line and let someone who appreciates hard work sit down and eat. Because you could have eaten at McDonald’s and accomplished the same agenda without spending over 20$ – especially if you want to give me attitude.

Do not give a server attitude. They have a job and it certainly is not their job to make you feel extra special. Go ask your mommy to make you feel extra special.

Some servers suck. I’ve had shitty service before. But what I don’t do is go into a restaurant expecting to get shitty service. I go in and act like a decent human being.

I do not go to a restaurant just to eat. I go because it is an experience. If I want to just eat and not interact, I’ll take my happy ass to Hardy’s. Or perhaps, I’ll just go to the store and get a pizza and be fucking salty while I watch Netflix.

Be nice, for God’s sake, be nice. It isn’t hard, unlike your dick attitude.

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FU, Cold.

As I was preparing to leave a horrible shift at the diner, a small tickle hit the back of my throat. Then, I started to cough. After some time, my nose began to run, and all I could think was how fitting it was to start a cold at the end of a equally nasty day.

It was my Friday and my immune system could care less. That night, I slept in an anxiety ridden sleep. I woke with the hopes of doing all my tasks, only to be defeated by a stupid cold.

Today, the cold still lingures, but I refuse to let another day pass where I do absolutly nothing.

Last week I blogged about my supreme organizing skills for a new book I am writing. Which can be found at Chanillo. I am part of a writing group called Ninja Writers, (it can be found on FB). Each day, for the 31 day writing/reading challenge, I get an email from the creator of the group telling us what each day brings. Last week, I printed out these goal sheets for the book. Beacause of my cold, I have yet to write in them, but I did want to show them off.

Just a list of books I am going to write. Yay for number 1!Page 4Page 3Page 2Page 1 of book organizing. My printed motivation. The Book Cover. Don't take it, bitches. It's mine.

This is an exciting journey, and I am happy to have you here with me.

I’m Trying – A Lot

What a morning. It isn’t even 10 am and I’ve already felt very overwhelmed. My anxiety is hitting me hard today. But alas, I must move forward while I have a few minutes of peace.

I was starting to blog today about some really cute items I picked up at Micheals. Then the anxiety started sinking in. I had to stop to regroup before I exploded and everyone around me became a victim.

If you have anxiety (you do not suffer from it), you know it can be hard to regroup. Luckily, I have my dog. He helps me find my center.

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Today’s focus wasn’t about my anxiety, though. It just ended up being all I could think about at the moment. What I really came here to tell you about is my top-notch, over the top, organizing skills. Here’s what I acquired at Micheals. I spent too much money, but oh, it’s so cool.

I pretty excited about my new things. Hopefully, I can get my life on track and keep up with what I pretend to be: a normal, functioning adult who loves shiny things, and her dog.

How do you keep organized?

Oh Yeah

Obviously, I love to write. Lately, I’ve been succeeding in keeping myself organized.

I’ve downloaded Grammarly to keep me in check. I’ve been participating in a writing challenge, and I’ve been pretty diligent.

The most important thing about the challenge is how it makes you think creatively.

It asks you to write 10 ideas. Let me tell you, writing 10 ideas every day is difficult. I’ve labeled mine 10 impossible things. Since writing 10 ideas is nearly impossible.

However, today, while doing the impossible, I thought – what’s the point of writing all this down if I don’t get something out of it.

So today, I challenge myself to go back to my impossible ideas every month and act on the best ones and even the not so great ones.

Let’s see what I can do.

Also, on a side note, I wrote some for my upcoming book which you can subscribe to on Channillo

It’s going to be amazing. I can’t showcase the work here, but here are some pictures of me being productive.

I gave myself a hulk sticker because I deserve it.

Happy Writing!

Mom

So a few days ago I shared a post about my mother and how we feed off of each other’s emotions. Well, she’s been super stressed lately and for good reason, so I’ve been very patient.

Yesterday, while she was angry gardening, I snuck around and made her Mother’s Day present. She even got a card from the dogs.

I’m crafty, so she only gets whatever I and my wallet can come up with.

To all the mothers: May your day be relaxing, full of laughs, and happy tears. Your mother can be your biggest blessing.

She’s My Mom

Sometimes I have to take a deep breath and remember I can only control myself. I can not control others.

This morning, (and it’s not even over with – which is even more distressing), I have delt with a whirlwind of emotions from myself and from others.

I’m pretty good at coping, but my anger flows so strong that if you’re around, you may get angry too and not know why.

So I have to stop and breath. I have to tell myself to calm down.

What’s rough is not absorbing other people’s emotions.

My mother and I do this to each other. We absorb each other’s energy.

It can be exhausting. At this moment, I am mentally exhausted.

Everything is bothering me. She is bothering me.

However, she’s my mother. She’s been there for me. She’s bathed me, clothed me, fed me, and kept me safe. She has done everything she knew to make me into the person I am today. And if you know me, I’m pretty awesome. 😉

My mother is everything I am.

My mother is the same ball of emotions that I embody.

I take a deep breath when she “bothers” me because I know how many breaths she had to take when I bothered her.

This is for my mother. May she never change. May I never try to control her. May I always love her for everything she is for it is everything I long to be.

Day 4: One More Year

It’s one more year

Of time well spent

It’s one more year

Of love come and went

It’s one more year

Of hearts being broken

It’s one more year

Of lies unspoken

It’s one more year

Of truths that have torn

It’s more more year

Of friendships reborn

It’s one more year

Of pain set aside

It’s one more year

Of love let to die

It’s one more year

Of memories of past

It’s one more year

Of love meant to last

It’s one more year

Of memories made

It’s one more year

Of memories that fade

It’s one more year

Of all that you do

It’s one more year

Of why we love you

For all that you go through. For all that we see. For all that your heart aches. For all of your smiles. For all of your laughs. For all of your troubles. For all of your generosity. For everything you do.

This poem is for my friend. It’s her birthday today and she deserves a lifetime of happiness.

Day 2: Freedom

I must leave.

I can not stay.

I will return.

But not today.

I need peace.

I need to think.

I need privacy.

Please, some release.

I am not angry.

Don’t be sad.

You’re the best I’ve ever had.

I just need to fly.

To spread my wings.

Please let go.

Let me be free.

I’ll return.

A different me.

Day 2 of a poem a day.

I am currently living at home and the need to be on my own increases. This poem is about telling my mother I need to leave.

2016

For some of us, 2016 was one of the worst years to date. It stole some very famous, loved people, it left some of us jobless, homeless, sick, and without anymore people to love. It was a rough stretch of road.

For myself, 2016 seemed to be a beginning of hope; everything was falling into place. I had a great new job prospect, I was going to sign on a house, and a relationship that was sure to become doomed seem to be mending itself. I was certain 2016 was going to be my best year yet.  

Before the beginning of February, it slowly started to fall apart. The new job fizzled away, the house fell through, and the relationship faded. By the middle of the year, I was thinking of ways to get out of my situation. It was going in circles and I needed to jump from the ferris wheel before it sent me off a cliff.  

I ended up deciding I needed to move back home. I needed to leave the sunshine, leave some very valuable friends, leave a decent job, and leave my marriage. By the end of August, I upheaved myself and my dog back to Missouri. I moved back into my parents at 36. That was rough. It took a lot of adjusting. I did not have a job and my bills piled.  

I often give up pretty quickly, but I knew I couldn’t. 2016 wasn’t going to get me. I sent out resumes, went to many interviews, and even landed a great job with help from a friend. The job wasn’t for me. So I went out to find another. I couldn’t give up.  

While I struggled to deal with reality, it started to hit me – my unsettled emotions. I never dealt with what I left behind. I started to break.  

For me, I always try to keep a good support system. I had to cling to it. My life would depend on it.  

I am better. 2016 tried to get me and I didn’t let it. I fought to stay a float.  

Living with my parents was one of the best decisions I have ever made. They have and continue to help me everyday. There are some things they do that I am not sure I will ever be able to pay back. Everyday I am grateful.  

2016 has taught me many lessons.

1. Not everyone is your friend.

2. Trusting others is a tricky delicacy.

3. Some friends will never be replaced or will ever want to be replaced.

4. Those with less, give more.

5. We are not meant to have everything, just everything we need.

6. The word grateful means more to me than years past.

7. Friends and family are my greatest assets.

8. There is more beauty in this world that was lost to me in the past.

9. Time is not to be squandered.

10. Love with all your heart because that’s all you have.
Even though 2016 was very difficult, I had to stop and see the good. This year has taught me to stop and realize just this. Look around you, find the joy, and embrace it. If you don’t, 2017 will be just as difficult as the years before.  

Life will try you. It will test your strength. Life will try to break you and never ask if you’re okay. You have to look out for yourself, and you have to make sure to cherish the ones that love you.  

Don’t make 2017 great. Instead, fill the year with memories, joy, laughter, tears, love, friends, and doing the things you love. For if you continue to keep doing these things, 2017 won’t be great because you tried to force it, it will be great because you lived exactly how you wanted.  

Thank you for continuing to read and follow my blog. I hope you found the good inside 2016 and I hope you find even more to be grateful for in 2017.  

Happy New Year.