2016

For some of us, 2016 was one of the worst years to date. It stole some very famous, loved people, it left some of us jobless, homeless, sick, and without anymore people to love. It was a rough stretch of road.

For myself, 2016 seemed to be a beginning of hope; everything was falling into place. I had a great new job prospect, I was going to sign on a house, and a relationship that was sure to become doomed seem to be mending itself. I was certain 2016 was going to be my best year yet.  

Before the beginning of February, it slowly started to fall apart. The new job fizzled away, the house fell through, and the relationship faded. By the middle of the year, I was thinking of ways to get out of my situation. It was going in circles and I needed to jump from the ferris wheel before it sent me off a cliff.  

I ended up deciding I needed to move back home. I needed to leave the sunshine, leave some very valuable friends, leave a decent job, and leave my marriage. By the end of August, I upheaved myself and my dog back to Missouri. I moved back into my parents at 36. That was rough. It took a lot of adjusting. I did not have a job and my bills piled.  

I often give up pretty quickly, but I knew I couldn’t. 2016 wasn’t going to get me. I sent out resumes, went to many interviews, and even landed a great job with help from a friend. The job wasn’t for me. So I went out to find another. I couldn’t give up.  

While I struggled to deal with reality, it started to hit me – my unsettled emotions. I never dealt with what I left behind. I started to break.  

For me, I always try to keep a good support system. I had to cling to it. My life would depend on it.  

I am better. 2016 tried to get me and I didn’t let it. I fought to stay a float.  

Living with my parents was one of the best decisions I have ever made. They have and continue to help me everyday. There are some things they do that I am not sure I will ever be able to pay back. Everyday I am grateful.  

2016 has taught me many lessons.

1. Not everyone is your friend.

2. Trusting others is a tricky delicacy.

3. Some friends will never be replaced or will ever want to be replaced.

4. Those with less, give more.

5. We are not meant to have everything, just everything we need.

6. The word grateful means more to me than years past.

7. Friends and family are my greatest assets.

8. There is more beauty in this world that was lost to me in the past.

9. Time is not to be squandered.

10. Love with all your heart because that’s all you have.
Even though 2016 was very difficult, I had to stop and see the good. This year has taught me to stop and realize just this. Look around you, find the joy, and embrace it. If you don’t, 2017 will be just as difficult as the years before.  

Life will try you. It will test your strength. Life will try to break you and never ask if you’re okay. You have to look out for yourself, and you have to make sure to cherish the ones that love you.  

Don’t make 2017 great. Instead, fill the year with memories, joy, laughter, tears, love, friends, and doing the things you love. For if you continue to keep doing these things, 2017 won’t be great because you tried to force it, it will be great because you lived exactly how you wanted.  

Thank you for continuing to read and follow my blog. I hope you found the good inside 2016 and I hope you find even more to be grateful for in 2017.  

Happy New Year.  

Acceptance

Life can be difficult. There are times when all you want to do is give in and give up. There are no answers and there isn’t a clean path to lead you where you need to be. We will never have all the answers and for some, especially me, this is more than difficult, it is a hardship.

Over the past couple of weeks I have dealt with many things that are hard to accept. I want what I want and not having control over the outcome has driven me to tears, anger, and suffering. I feel lost, powerless, and mostly, I feel ashamed because what I thought I could control, what I thought I could perceive, what I thought I could have was explicitly out of my reach. It always was. It always will be.  

A dear friend of mine listened to my problems and in return gave me one word: acceptance.  

Now, I do not have a hard time with this word. I know its meaning. Yet hearing it plagued me nearly every hour of the day. It prodded, poked, and oozed until I came to grips with what it really meant.

  •  I have wanted to write about it for days, but I could never find the time. Acceptance.  
  • I want people in my life to be better. I want better for them. They choose to live a certain way and it saddens me. I want to change it. I’ve tried. I can’t. Acceptance.  
  • I long to control my surroundings, but I can’t. Acceptance.  

I often pause when I feel my life spinning out of control. I look at the way I am treating people. I look at the way others may view me. I look at my current behaviors and ask where I can make a change. It is a constant inventory.  

If I can not change others so I can accept them, I must change myself so I can accept what I cannot change. Acceptance.  

When you cannot find the courage to fight with life any longer, look at your surroundings and let go of what you cannot change. Acceptance isn’t easy; just as life is always difficult. Remain vigilant, focused, and strong. Remain knowledgeable. Remain wise. Remain able to accept.