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Finding A Lost Dream

Today started like any other. I woke, prepared for the day, went to my vehicle, and opened the gate to leave. As I unhooked the chain, my thoughts transcended to that burning, perplexing question, What am I doing? 

I’m going to work. I’m slaving away. I don’t like what I’m doing and I have to change it. I had a vision of waking early, but it wasn’t to pay the man. It was to feed the horses, play with the dog, and write. 

I want to write. Instead, I am focused on making a dollar. I thought about all the excuses I make for not putting pen to paper. I thought of all the famous writers who made time. They made it happen. It wouldn’t just happen for me, I had to make sure it happened for me. 

I’ve had enough of wanting. I had to want it so bad it became a necessity. 

As the day wore on, my mind changed once again. Just because I wasn’t fond of my current job, didn’t mean I had to purposefully make it miserable in order to justify, or rather co-sign, my own bullshit. I had to make my current situation just as wonderful as the thought of my proposed future situation. 

Not only do I have to make changes so I am able to fulfill my dreams of raising a horse, playing with a dog, and writing for a living, I have to make a change within my mind so I don’t sabotage my current situation. 

Who cares if it sucks. And does it really suck? No. No it doesn’t. I just think it does. I make it suck. 

So as I continue to learn and grow, I let today’s revelation transform me. I tell myself to work harder at perusing your dreams. It will never just “fall in your lap”. 

I tell myself to stop making current situations horrible. Even though it isn’t what I want, it’s what I have and I must make the best of it. 

Let this be the year we strive harder, live more, and follow our dreams with the wildest of ambitions combined with a strong desire to see it through because no one knows exactally how to make them true but yourself. 

A Small Town

I’ve been pondering this thought for a while now: learning more about small towns and what they teach me. It enters my mind when a sign tells me to slow and I enter a scene straight from a movie. Buildings line a two-lane street; cars parked in front of lined-up shops. A single flashing red light in the middle of the road. A train track running parallel to the main drive. A place where the livestock out number the residents. The thought trickles in when I see a worn down home or an abandoned building. I wonder how a small town even manages to survive. It looks as though the entire place will dry up with one swoop of a money drought. They will leave everything behind, never to step place in another small town again. Dried-up, they will say. 

It is then I start to talk to the people of those small towns and I see the determination, the sheer will on their faces. They refuse to give up, to turn-a-cheek, or to give in to a city way of life. The believe in their town so much, they are willing to do what is needed in order for it to survive. They find the money somehow. They turn to their faith. They turn to each other. 

It makes me think how we look at life and see something falling apart, and instead of doing what needs to be done to fix it, we just toss it aside and find something that we believe is better. If we would have just tried a little harder, perhaps we could have saved it. We could have endured. 

I suppose I look at some of my decisions in life and wonder what would of happened if I maintained the small town mentality. What would have happened if I had just stuck through, toughed it out, made do with what I had. 

However, there is another quality of small town people that I enjoy and it is their knowing of how to handle regret. You don’t. Not to say you don’t handle anything, but if you don’t have it, then you don’t need to handle it. 

So I suppose I could regret a million things, and dwell on what was, or I can gather some small town mentality and push for another day, make the most of what I have, and learn to be comfortable with what I got. I can’t ponder on the should haves’ and the should have nots’. I just need to be. What’s done is done. 

I learn more things in a small town than I ever have living in a big city. And perhaps, it is that I learn things on both sides of the fence, but there’s a side of the fence that is much slower, and because of that I have more time to learn. Perhaps. 

Many lessons have been through this hard head of mine. They have swealtered, diminished, and they have flourished. However, something about seeing how this great land thrives, gets my brain wondering. What does a small town really teach me?

  • You can’t feel sorry for people and all the things you think they don’t have. For those are the ones that have it all.
  •  When you go through a small town, think of all the people who stay to make it great. They have loyalty, respect, ethics, values, morals, and most of all, they have love. 
  • They live without regret. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. 
  • They strive hard to make a life for those around them. If you don’t have each other, you have no one. 

Just some random thoughts for today. 

I’m A Writer. What’s Your Dream? 

If you’ve ever had a dream, you should follow it, no matter how crazy you think it is. 

That sounds corny, doesn’t it. It is – sorta. It may be the corniest statement you ever read. However, all the successful people utter those words consistently. They preach them when ever they can. So why shouldn’t you? 

My life is a serious of tragedies. One more pathetic than the next. 

That has to be the worst statement ever written. However, the ones without a dream in the world, utter this like clockwork everyday. They preach it. The negativity spews like lava from a boiling volcano. 

I progress everyday. Not a moment goes by where I don’t think about what I really want. Every second I wonder how I can achieve my goal. I always have a plan. I always have an option. I even make plans when all is going wrong and my luck is like a butterfly I try to catch with my broken fingers. 

I never stop pondering how, what, when, where, and why. When people ask what I want to be when I grow up, I tell them the same story. 

It’s the things I do in between my time as a person working toward my goal to the person living my dream. Those moments in between help foster the stories I long to tell. They help me grow. So I’ll take whatever experience I can get. In the mean time, I stay driven for my one, true purpose; to become what I’ve always dreamed. 

So what will it be? Will you have a dream or will you ooze negativity? 

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