I Have to Win: A Poem

I haven’t been myself, lately.

I’m stressed to the core.

I snap, I bite, even when wounds are sore.

I can’t control the processes

I feel I’m bleeding out

Everything is spinning

It’s why I continue to shout

There’s never an off switch

I’m manic with rage

I’ll dig my own ditch

I’ll sign my own grave

I’ll keep knowing I’m drowning

I’ll never ask for a raft

I’ll keep knowing I’m bleeding

I’ll just ask for it back

Let me dance with my demons

Let me fight till the end

When it’s over

It’s I who has to win.

Lately, I have been an absolute mess. I can’t control the one thing I should have control over, my emotions. They are at their absolute worse.

I need more solace than ever, but life keeps me down. However, I realize, I am never out.

Another thing I realize is I never ask for help. I can’t stand when others ask if I’m okay. I’m breathing, aren’t I? I’m here. That’s all the proof you need. But they know better and my face shows my weak side. The side that needs comfort and a shoulder to shed my tears. But my mind stops it all.

So I tread water. For someday, I will stop drowning in a sea of blood from my own self-destruction.



A small, unorganized mixture of thoughts this morning; finding their way to paper. May your day never hold you down. 
When you want to create,

The world may be against you. 

When you want to relax,

Chaos swirls around you. 

I may never be

Never really be free. 

To seek what I want 

It is further than I can see. 

A Token of Thanks

My favorite candy, in the shape of a heart, made by my favorite people. This is a part of myself I never want to lose.



I love to blog. I do it for an outlet to express my feelings. When I started this blog, I didn’t imagine people would become so supportive and actually take a liking to my musings. This also goes for my Facebook page. I do not promote my page, even though Facebook asks me to every time I log in. I refuse. If you like me, it will not be because Facebook is pushing you to, the reason will go deeper than that – to shut me up. HA. Recently, my page reached 100 likes. It is because I have some very faithful followers and supporters. In order to express my thanks, I wanted to give all my followers on here and on my page parts of my work. I have offered this before, but I have added and edited. Pull up the covers, grab the nearest drink, enjoy, and once again, thank you. I hope you continue to read my ramblings, poems, stories, and whatever comes to mind from a woman who is never a loss for words.


A Shot of Shorts Part Too Many



If Only It Were TV

Lately, I’ve only been wanting to write a personal story; something with a moral. However, when I start to type, all that flows are poems. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s just strange. I talked to someone yesterday, and their decisions, once again, broke my heart. I hope they find their way. Unfortunately, I can’t help them anymore.

If you’re not careful, the ones you love won’t help you anymore. 

If you keep destroying bridges, you’ll never find complete boards. 

If you let them down one more time, their hearts will turn cold. 

The people who loved you, won’t love you anymore. 

You take for granted their patience and time. 

Their advice, their opinions, their forgiveness, their dimes. 

You believe you’re never wrong. You believe the world owes you it’s life. 

The truth is the world owes you nothing, and you’re never right. 

Your life is a carousel. You’re dizzy. You can’t see. 

But you’ll never dismount. Your denial is a deep sea. 

You jump from one dysfunction to another. 

Each mess more tragic than the other. 

People morn for your existence. They cry for your peace. 

They hold to the moments of who you might be. 

It’s sad. It’s dreadful, to watch this scene. 

If only the channel would change. 

If only this were TV. 

If Only

If I had the day off

If I had the day off, I would lie in the sun.

If I had the day off, I would go for a run.

If I had the day off, I would watch bad TV.

If I had the day off, I would swim in the sea.

If I had the day off, I’d take my bike for a ride.

If I had the day off, I’d build a fort and hide.

If I had the day off, I would sleep half the day.

If I had the day off, I would have it my way.

What would you do if you had a day off?

1986 Ferris Bueller's Day Off Pin
1986 Ferris Bueller’s Day Off Pin (Photo credit: JD Hancock)

He’s So Cute

It is a busy Saturday. Today I celebrate my seven-year anniversary and It’s Sam Saturday. Since you have already seen my sentimental post to my husband, I will show you a poem I wrote many years ago about my dog, Sam. I hope it puts a smile to your face and we can remember Sam just as he was….




Sam is a dog I know who thinks he’s very cute.

He wags his tail, smiles a lot, and seems somewhat aloof.

He thinks he is protecting me when dangers do appear.

But Sam wouldn’t hurt anything that gets too near.

He loves his walks and trips in the car.

And any time he sees his ball.

He loves the ladies and small French poodles.

And anything that moves or wiggles.

He sleeps all day.

And all night.

He loves to play like he’s in a fight.

He sleeps on his bed and yours too.

Mostly he sheds and if you’re not careful he will eat your food.

But if you are sad he will always make you smile.

He’s the coolest dog I know.

Hope he stays for a while.