Hello my faithful followers. It’s Friday. For some of us, it is a good day. We slack off in the office. We count down the hours until it is time to leave
Oh Friday. ….
I’m having a difficult time feeling grateful lately.
Others are reminding me about how awesome things are going, and they are.
However, I’m a self-sabotager. (I’m making-up this word)
That’s right people. I sabotage my own happiness. Why? I don’t know.
I don’t allow myself to be truly happy. I never really have. I force myself to smile, to say hello, to give a hug here and there. It’s exhausting. At the end of the day, I need lots of room and silence to put on a happy face and face the world once more.
Even as I write this, I pause to contemplate what words I will type next. I’m tired.
So while I do post about being grateful, finding inspiration, and finding out who you truly are, I have days where it is all out of grasp, and that’s okay.
There is a bountiful list of things for which we should be grateful. We should seek to find who we are. We should always strive to become better. However, it’s okay to let it slip away, but not too far.
One day, I’ll stop sabotaging myself.
Today I will remind myself it isn’t as bad as I think and try to find a sliver of happiness because sometimes a sliver is all we have.
As I look through old notes and wonder what I can scrape from the past to give it new life, I wonder if I’m doing too much. I wonder if I am spreading myself too thin. It is then, I think of self-sabotage. I do it constantly. If I continue down the shank spiral of self-sabotage, I will never succeed – ever. So I stop myself from searching, and reach inside myself for something new. I knew a piece about myself was hiding in here. A time where I self-reflect and project a little self-inventory.
If you do the same thing, self-sabotage, know you are not alone. The knowledge that I could be successful scares me into my sacred bubble. I dream of what it would be like to write full-time, and I am beyond excited. I grow a forest of ideas, and I let procrastination and excuse rule.
I’ve had enough. I know I can do it. I must rise from my slump and never care about critics, especially the biggest critic of all, myself.
So if you are sitting at your computer today or whatever means you use to write, and you are questioning the very reason you vent, stop. Your muse leaks in the form of words for a reason. Let others see your passion. Let yourself shine through.
Happy Monday, peeps, and keep pressing.
P.S – Speaking of pressing, I started another blog. I love horror. If you have been here a while and witnessed my writing, you know I have a heart for the sick and twisted. My blog is based around reviewing horror movies. I also post short films, artwork, and books I am reading. Stop by, if you’re sick and twisted like myself. I guarantee you’ll love it.