Losing My Way

I’ve lost my way time and time again.

Searching through the ruble,

wiping the dust from my shins

I often find a clearing,

the light shines through

I start to climb to freedom,

hope fills the air

I reach for a boulder,

to make my last steps

It was an illusion. 

It was never there.

I lose my grip on the vanishing air.

My feet slip below me

The darkness settles in

And now I’ve lost my way

time and time again.

Sadness

I search for written words in my note app frequently. Ever so often, I come across a piece that has me questioning the environment of my life at that time. I ponder my sanity. I wonder how, after reading my own words, I made it through. These thoughts are answered in one simple phrase – I wrote it down. For me, my only solace are the words I use to express my anguish. For if I did not have the knowledge of a properly placed word, I would not have a means to express my emotions. I would become trapped in my mind with no hope for escape. With this, I give you a poem written in a time of deep depression. I assure you I am no longer in the web of this poem, for now. 
When the sadness seeps in,

I cower with weak skin. 

(no flames, no spark)

My bones are heavy. 

My tears break levees. 

My body sinks in this bed. 

The covers claw at my head. 

The sadness sweeps over

Like a brisk autumn breeze

It sticks like a harsh winter freeze. 

I beg it to leave. 

It ignores my screams. 

I ask for help. 

(no one is here) 

The sadness keeps people away. 

My heroes kept at bay. 

(no one touches what’s sad) 

Sadness is what makes me. 

Sadness is what breaks me
Please know that if you ever feel like I have felt before and will feel again, there are people who will help you through it. You just have to let them in. 

All drawings are scetched by my own hand.

Work

It’s been a while. Almost too long. I have some priorities now and I’m not sure about things anymore. While I try to grasp some perspective, here is something I wrote. It’s rhythm reminds me of a dark, smoky, slightly crowded room with a fading spot light. I’m on stage and something is pressing to come out. They are a mix of words I can’t quite string together and behind each sentence is a person full of sadness and anger. Enjoy. 

 I work

 I don’t live anymore. 

 I don’t breath anymore. 

 I’m tired. 

 I’m stressed. 

 I can’t see. 

 I can’t be. 

 There’s no space. 

 There’s no time. 

 There’s only fine lines

 It’s consuming – this place

 This confining place

 This deafening place

 This shrinking space

 There’s no sky

 No air 

 No birds

 No sea

 No cascading mountains

 Watching over me

 I’m here with papers

 With notes

 With deadlines

 With false hope

 I used to smile

 It was real

 The life I used to feel

 It’s gone

 I stopped chasing my dreams

 I started chasing what’s green

 But it has me ripping at the seams

 I work. 

If

This came to me yesterday while waiting for the kids. I try to write any profound thoughts that enter my brain. Thank goodness for smart phones.

This is for someone I love. I miss you.

If I were with you,
I’d touch the stars.
If I were with you,
I’d fly so far.
If I were with you,
I wouldn’t cry.
If I were with you,
I wouldn’t die.
If I were with you,
I’d live my dreams.
If I were with you,
I wouldn’t scream.
If I were with you,
I’d sleep at night.
If I were with you,
I’d be alright.
If I were with you,
I’d never leave.
If I were with you,
I could be me.