I Let You Go

I wrote this piece a while back about someone I used to love. I say used to, and know that’s a lie. I still love them, but I’ve guarded my heart against them. This person had such a power over who I was. Letting go of such a thing is no easy task. It took years, a great friend, and an awakening. This piece is my moment. May this person find theirs.

I fell in love with you. I woke one day and it occurred that I didn’t love you like a friend, I loved you like a lover. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to be yours. I wanted to be with you as long as life would let us.

You nearly had me convinced. You talked of marriage – of future plans. I was in awe of it. However, I should have known. I should have known it was only an escape for you. A way to fantasize about something other than your current situation. An out. A statement that said, fuck it rather than a statement with any real meaning.

I fell for you. I almost made plans. Plans for us to be together. I was willing to compromise your lust for others just so I could be with you.

I almost had myself convinced it would work out.

I almost settled. I almost gave in.

Sometimes it takes others to show you what’s wrong. When you’re so disillusioned, it takes the eyes and wisdom of another being to guide you to what is right. I found that person. Someone who made me realize I was never getting what I wanted and that you were only around when the statement “fuck it” came to mind.

Perhaps it would have worked. Perhaps we could have been happy. I would have tried. The fog lifted, though. I cried for it to return. I yearned to be blind. I screamed to feel the pain of never having you. But another warmth settled in and gave me the strength to dry my tears, to see, and to stop the pain.

I have to let go. My heart can’t take anymore.

I hope you find peace in your storm. May you break free of what binds you, and know that happiness is not found in others by way of casual leisure, one night stands, and broken promises, it’s found in you.

You can make yourself happy. Do this, and your discontent will end.

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Losing My Way

I’ve lost my way time and time again.

Searching through the ruble,

wiping the dust from my shins

I often find a clearing,

the light shines through

I start to climb to freedom,

hope fills the air

I reach for a boulder,

to make my last steps

It was an illusion. 

It was never there.

I lose my grip on the vanishing air.

My feet slip below me

The darkness settles in

And now I’ve lost my way

time and time again.

The Fight Continues

A continuation of yesterday’s poem…
I know what I should do. 

But I can’t seem to do it. 

I sit down with hope. 

I can’t sift through it. 

Pencil meets paper. 

So thoughts can flow free.

But something is inside

Putting its grip on me.

I have more to give. 

There’s more to be told.

I must release this demon.

I must release the hold. 

If Only It Were TV

Lately, I’ve only been wanting to write a personal story; something with a moral. However, when I start to type, all that flows are poems. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s just strange. I talked to someone yesterday, and their decisions, once again, broke my heart. I hope they find their way. Unfortunately, I can’t help them anymore.

If you’re not careful, the ones you love won’t help you anymore. 

If you keep destroying bridges, you’ll never find complete boards. 

If you let them down one more time, their hearts will turn cold. 

The people who loved you, won’t love you anymore. 

You take for granted their patience and time. 

Their advice, their opinions, their forgiveness, their dimes. 

You believe you’re never wrong. You believe the world owes you it’s life. 

The truth is the world owes you nothing, and you’re never right. 

Your life is a carousel. You’re dizzy. You can’t see. 

But you’ll never dismount. Your denial is a deep sea. 

You jump from one dysfunction to another. 

Each mess more tragic than the other. 

People morn for your existence. They cry for your peace. 

They hold to the moments of who you might be. 

It’s sad. It’s dreadful, to watch this scene. 

If only the channel would change. 

If only this were TV. 

Time

Time is relevant,

So they say

Quickly it goes,

Quickly it stays

Passing slowly,

Passing through

Time for you,

Time against you

I’ll wait decades

I’ll wait minutes,

Each day passing,

Is hell without you in it.

I’ll see you here,

I’ll see you there.

You are everywhere

Time is a curse

Time is a blessing

Time is death

Time is life

Time is a dream

Time is a fiend

Please come back

I’ll do what it takes

Don’t leave me here

Don’t let my heart break

Time is relevant

So they say

Time will heal

Time steals pain

Time is not

What I thought it was

Keeping me addicted

Like a drug

Life Is Often A Stuggle

This is for a friend, (or anyone), who is struggling. May you see the sun in all your troubles so you can push through for another day.

The more difficulties one has to encounter, within and without, the more significant and the higher in inspiration his life will be.
Horace Bushnell

Happy Monday. Find your inspiration and push forward.

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