I wrote this piece over ten years ago. After an incident at work, I was fumed. I came home, opened the computer, and typed away furiously. Recent events regarding women opening up to media outlets over sexual misconduct, made me write my own piece about being silenced, but also about this bit I wrote about men who assume.
Every word in this piece is relatable, but as I re-read the rant, I thought about the man I portrayed. He is a wanna-be. He is a product of his environment. It is nearly every man I have ever met. They were all the same – young and dumb, always trying to be something they weren’t. What I knew then was, it must be only these types that insult women on a daily basis. It isn’t true. As I have grown older and now with more women coming forward, my perception of the man I portray is also the man I thought would never do such horrible things – leaders, movie stars, politicians (who I always thought were sleazy) – role models. I am wrong. I’ve been wrong before.
It is a man who wears a suit, casual dress, a man who makes any amount of money, who lives with his parents, or who is married, single – it doesn’t matter. This piece is directed at any man who thinks he has a right to talk to women however he pleases.
Another part in this piece is how the woman reacts. When I wrote this, I wrote what I would like to do. In reality, I wouldn’t do either but listen, possibly laugh uncomfortably, or become so annoyed that I just walked away hoping to avoid any of what is portrayed in this piece.
In conclusion, this piece is about how women, everyday, are harassed. We are mocked, shamed, and we are often made to feel as if we can do nothing. When I wrote this piece I wanted to make myself feel empowered. I wanted any woman that read it to feel empowered. So I felt the need to shame the man as he would, and in this piece does, shame us.
The world needs to know. They need to feel uplifted. We can not let men make us feel bad any longer. I do not want to go through any scenario where a man makes me feel like shit because I said or want to say no. I never, again, want to feel like I have to say yes.
(ASSUMPTIONS: Written in 2005 and edited)
This story is for any woman who has ever met a man who assumed he could have his way. As far as I am concerned, this is for any woman breathing.
It is very hard to write about all the presumption’s men make. I really want to narrow it down. So I thought about the most common.
First, is sex.
Second, is what we were put on this earth to do, (cook, clean, give birth – basically stay barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen).
Third, is assuming that we are helpless creatures, (god forbid I have a complete thought).
If I think of anymore, I will write another piece.
My version of a man that assumes he can have his way.
Bob is the kind of person who thinks he is God’s gift to women. You know the type. He walks up to you in broad daylight, while you are busy doing something. It could be anything. Walking your dog, eating lunch, shopping, getting gas, who cares. Well guess what, he doesn‘t care either.
Bob’s attire consists of baggy clothes, tilted hat, and a very gaudy, fake, chain, possibly gold. He has some peach fuzz on his face. Don’t tell him that, he believes it is full-grown goatee. He probably cannot walk very well because his pants are hanging just above his kneecap. If you are not careful, you will get a glimpse of the spider-man boxers his mommy gave him for Christmas. Also, try not to fall for his pimped out 96′ Ford Taurus, with the large speakers in the back. He will have them so loud, that you might be surprised that his ears are not bleeding. Be aware also of his custom spray paint job. Notice I did say spray paint. He thinks it’s a custom job. Therefore, this is Bob. I wanted to give you a clear picture of Bob. Let you know what you are up against.
So, here you are doing whatever and here he comes. Remember, he cannot walk, be aware of your surroundings and quickly move anything he cold trip on out of the way. You do not want him landing on you.
So, say you are eating. Of course, there are always two chairs at a table. Bob assumes that since you are alone, that chair is for him. So, he sits and as you almost choke on your sandwich, he says “What’s up baby.” as he nods his head upward. He thinks he’s a gangster. Depending on who you are and your attitude towards men you either attempt one of the following.
A. Push the chair out from under him and ask him what the fuck he thinks he is doing.
B. Tell ’Bob’ politely that if he does not remove himself from the chair, that you will mace his eyeballs until they melt.
C. Listen to him while he talks, this could be funny.
For conversation purpose, lets choose C.
“I said what’s up baby. You need a glass of water or something. I think you’re choking a little.”
After a few coughs and drying of your watery eyes, you say, “No thanks, I’m all right.”
“You sure, I could get you some water, it’s free.”
Bob is the type of guy who won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. He will eventually, but only after you yell at him. He has selective hearing.
“No thanks, I’ll be all right.”
You say that while staring at him with very cold eyes, and a hateful smirk. He will get the hint. Do not get confused though, he still assumes you want him, just not the water. We have to take things one at a time for Bob because he has a simple mind. So, you say to him, “What do you want?.”
“Well, I saw you sitting here and I thought ‘what is such a pretty thing doing eating all alone’? That’s not right. Someone like you should have a man beside her.”
You nearly choke again.
“Really? Why do you assume that I don’t have a man? Or that I even need a man. Maybe I am on a lunch break. Maybe my man is meeting up with me.” He rolls his eyes and isn’t really listening.
“If I were your man, I would never leave your side. You’re way to fine.”
Right now, you should assume that Bob has some trust issues and maybe some stalker tendencies. Do not ever think that this assumption is wrong.
“Plus babe, I would never let you work. You’re too fine for that too.”
Here is where a red flag should always come up. Bob doesn’t look like a doctor, lawyer, engineer, or anybody in the hundred thousand a year and above range. Remember when he asked you if you wanted free water. Bob is broke. Bob is a ten grand a year guy. If he is pulling a hundred a year, he probably sells drugs, or stolen items. You don’t want that type of guy anyway. Not that you are looking, but please stray away from the prison hopefuls of tomorrow.
“What if I want a job? Are you going to keep me inside forever?”
“No way babe. You don’t have to stay inside forever. I got to take you out and show you off. You’re super fine. Also, fine girls don’t have jobs. You know what I mean?”
Here Bob assumes that only women that don’t appeal to him can work. He also assumes that you are some kind of trophy. Let us also not forget that Bob keeps calling you babe. He doesn’t even have the decency to ask you your name. He apparently thinks it is okay, that you don’t mind being called whatever Bob deems necessary.
Knowing Bob is a worthless bum, with some severe trust and abandonment issues, you decide to end the conversation. Which we should assume has gone on for too long. So, speaking as slowly and clearly as possible, you say, “Listen, I’m sure you mean well by keeping me locked up. Fortunately, I like to roam free. You know what I mean?”
Bob is now confused. Don’t worry though he is used to being told no.
“I’m going to have to pass. See you later.”
As you say this, look at Bob firmly and do not move. It is like starring down an animal for food. He will eventually know how serious you are and walk away.
Do not assume Bob will leave quietly. His self esteem is very fragile. He will need to redeem it by calling you something derogatory. Watch out for words like bitch, whore, and slut. You get the picture. Do not let this get to you. Remember, Bob has to drive his beat up 96’ Ford, with his awesome spray paint job, back home to his mommy’s house. She probably has dinner ready.
Oh how my perception has changed. However, as I read this over and over, I cant help but think of all the truths no matter what the walk of life.
We have a man who talks to women however he wants. We have an everyday situation. We have a man who has never learned how to respect women.
I have met a lot of men in my life. All of them different. Not all of them treat women in such a disrespectful manner. In fact, I have met some very wonderful men. It is these men, who would never call us names and who make us feel equal, who make us feel like we have a voice, they’re the ones who should lead the way for other men to look up to. If you are that man, and you are reading this, reach out to a lost soul and show them the way.
Thank you for reading. I have so much to say on this topic – thousands of unorganized thoughts. I feel this small piece doesn’t do justice to the injustice I have endured and seen.